You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
