That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
