turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
