2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
