Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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