I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
