put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think my fart just growled at me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
