Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
