Cold hands, warm shart.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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