just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
