strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
