Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
