Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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