i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
