Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
