Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
