3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
