Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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