I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
