Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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