Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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