Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
