I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
