I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
