my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
