Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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