It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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