so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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