PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
