I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
