i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's Friday. Sex?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
