I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
