Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
