before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
