i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
