i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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