I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
