can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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