Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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