i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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