yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
