May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize