okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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