I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
