gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
