those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
