I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
