Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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