You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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