just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
