whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
