were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
