i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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