i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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