Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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