i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
