Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
