can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
