I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How external is "for external use only"?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
