I'm going to jail i love you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
