I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
