Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
