Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's never too late to be topless.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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