All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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