I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
