I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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