I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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