Tell her she can't have a vagina
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
