Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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