the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
