Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
