I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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