do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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