you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
