Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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