so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
