no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
