im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
