I feel like abortions should bother me more
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she peed on how many people?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
