Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
