Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
