somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize