Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
