Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
