Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
