every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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