So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
